Why I didn't apply for University
Discussions on how university isn't for everyone, mental health struggles, being a self-employed musician and the struggles that come with being your own boss!
‘‘Have you applied for any uni’s yet?’’ Is the dreaded sentence I heard come out of my teacher’s mouth.
Academically I have always done alright with my grades, and never really struggled too much, apart from having to resit my maths course a million times! We can’t all be geniuses. I’ve known in my heart that I’ve always wanted to go down the creative route and would achieve more with my work when I was independent and away from school.
I’ve never fit into the social norm of having a love of being in the education system. My anxiety and depression would increase, and my grades would drop, so I had to be pulled out a few times. So when the time came around for me to think about my choices, gap years didn’t seem to be a very common option that anyone wanted, or even spoken about by teachers. There was always intense peer pressure put onto me of either uni’s or apprenticeships, so I took the risk and went for the option that everyone was afraid of. A gap year!
Improved Mental Health
At the time of starting my gap year, I needed a serious holiday for my mental wellbeing. After passing both A-Levels, but going through trauma and general life struggles, I was burnt out, depressed, lonely, and felt lost in not knowing how to even do the smallest of things like eating properly, sleeping normally etc.. Being away from school pressures and deciding to shove myself onto my own path was probably the most terrifying and boldest move I’ve made. Sometimes I still get days where I’m thinking ‘wow I’m in control of my life now’ so it’s an unusual feeling. It gave me the flexibility to be able to arrange plans with friends a lot more often, and spend more time with my family which I missed and appreciated so much.
Songwriting
Not only did it help me look after myself and get back on track again, but it also helped me progress massively in my love and passion for music, songwriting and creating. Being able to be so expressive of my emotions and let down my guard instead of bottling it all because I need to revise 10 different media theories, was a liberating feeling. Songwriting to me is like a type of therapy to process all the stuff I’m going through and emptying my mind of worries or struggles. It’s a way to be completely vulnerable and transparent through turning darkness and pain into light and beauty, and I started writing an EP about that as soon as I left school.
Opportunities
It’s given me the flexibility and time to be able to arrange open mics and research music related opportunities, have part time jobs faster, work on my driving tests, and even start selling my own handmade products. Every day is a little bit different, but change is good. As long as I’m being productive each day, it feels rewarding and beneficial.
Reflection
If you’re someone like me who doesn’t really know where they’re headed in life, but has a general idea of what they would like to achieve and progress in. Go for it! Put your whole heart and soul into that and keep moving. I’ve almost given up time and time again, but when you know it’s right for you, it will always be at the back of your subconscious mind. It’s almost as if you’ll always gravitate towards that passion. Never give up! In the words of COIN - ‘‘How will you know if you never try?’’
Love and Light
Tabitha x
I can definitely relate. Back throughout all my school years, I've had anxiety and stress my whole life up to this day as well (Been having a lot of help through my educational years) but music is the only thing I was good at (Been a band student for 10 yrs back from grade school to high school and I actually live doing music) and that experience led me to creating my own music (Songwriting will happen someday) and not giving up on what I love about it.